First blog. It should be huge right? I should tell everyone right? Well that’s what I began to believe as i came closer to fully committing to doing this. Well it’s not, I don’t want it to be huge, nor do I intend for it to be. If it does become that all praise to God. I want it to fall into your lap. I want you to come here when you’re desperate, seeking and can not find help from those around you.
I told my mom I was starting a blog and she then told me; I need to get someone to edit it so it looks good, so commas are in the right place and I don’t look like an idiot. But I wanted this blog to be a place for the Lord to use me. A place for me to not care where commas go or who does or does not see it. And I almost found myself bailing on my original plan because I didn’t feel good enough. And it hit me, it’s so easy for us to do that with anything in life. We don’t aim high because we feel small. We don’t apply because we don’t feel qualified/ called to what we feel a pull on our hearts.
“I am called” 1 Corinthians 7:17 “ I am capable” Philippians 4:13
These two verses alone show that the Lord has called us, that we are capable. So why should I hold back the fire that I feel in my heart to not post because a comma is in the wrong place. I shouldn’t. I should go about this blog with an attitude that I feel in my heart that everyone should live out their lives, FREE.
We have fallen so hard in the world to be this way, be that way; look this way not that; eat this and not that; be labeled as this not that. We forget Who has called us and Who has labeled us; chosen, free, loved, healed, etc.. We have allowed the people closest to us and the ones we look up to the most make us not feel worthy, beautiful, called. When we lack the truth about Who’s we are, we will believe whoever when they label us who they believe we are.
But no one ever tells us how we can believe these truths. These truths just get shoved down our throats and we can’t believe it because we have been told lies. So how do we shift our mindset to believe and live out what is true about us?
Well it’s not easy and I don’t think people honestly talk about it because even sometimes they have doubt. Yes your pastor, mom, dad, best friend, counselor even doubts sometimes, crazy right? But the truth is we are all human and we have all been in a place, or that place can be now where we did not feel qualified.
Right now in my life I am managing a spa. I have no background in business, managing, or anything that has to do with what I am doing now. I went to school to be a first grade teacher and dropped out because I did not feel lead in that direction any more. I came into the spa that I manage now just looking for a different atmosphere other than retail. Four months of being in the spa I became assistant manager, then a month later the owner opened another spa and I then became manager. I was not qualified at all and still to this day I break down because I do not feel like I am doing anything correct. But the amazing thing is, the owner has FAITH in me, he believes that I am qualified for what he believes is someone who is manager material. But we all want answers in how we gain faith in ourself, how do we believe what is true and rip away whats not.
So here are a few things I’ve done to have the confidence I have today. I’ve spent so much time re-training my brain. I would wake up and tell myself “I’m fearfully and wonderfully made” (psalm 139:14) until I fully believed that that’s what I am. I used posted notes like crazy. I would write positive things such as: your God is bigger than your problems, you are beautiful, you are called, you can do this, what happened yesterday will not matter tomorrow, etc. These were just small things it doesn’t always have to be a bible verse. It could be something hurtful someone said about you flipped, example: “I don’t love you” flipped “I am loved” (1 John 4:10). As I was re-training my brain to believe the truth I realized that it was beyond hard and some days I did not want to believe the truth. But one day I heard a sermon from Pastor Kim she said “The enemy can do his best to defeat you but the only place that he can truly get you is in between your ears.” In that moment it clicked, the more time I spent with the negative thoughts in my head the more I felt defeated. So as soon as I would feel a thought that was not of the Lord I would do everything in my power to defeat those lies. I would continue to speak them until those thoughts were no longer there. Sometimes we may even wake up with a huge spirit of defeat, laziness, unworthiness, and it is in those moments when we have to do everything to overpower those things. Dress your best in those moments and accept every compliment that comes your way. Own the good and dismiss the bad, you deserve it.